Bonus | Doomsday+10ish Podcast Crossover Extravaganza

Hello, and welcome to the Tennis Podcast. Every week, me and my various sidekick hosts cover top ten ish lists along with fun facts and hot takes. I'm joined by my guest sidekick host Brad Choma from Doom's Day, History's most Dangerous podcast. Yeah you are, Bradley. Why did you hurt me at the start of the show. Can't help myself? You know what? Actually this is embarrassing. It's a German word to describe a face in need of a punch, and I can never remember what the word is, but I don't know. Man, that's me. I'm the face in need of a punch. Oh, well, a punch And now that's done so we can start the show. I just wish you had done it before we hit record, but we'll find a way through. Well, Brad, if you recognize his voice, it's because he's been on the show several times. He was most recently on episode number two hundred and one. We talked about those weird sacks of meat and our bodies that keep us alive. Your organs those are good. That was good. Yeah, and Brad, you have a podcast all about people dying and suffering, and I understand that you're going to be doing that. Our list today will have something to do with suffering, Is that right? That is true. I always try to make you suffer every time I come on this show, that we should do a suffering suite where it's just all my appearances. Well, we can stop recording because fucking mission accomplished already. Today I bring the list today. I make you suffer by making you guess the top Tennish most painful injuries that the human body can sustain. That's such an interesting one because you're gonna get into how this list was formulated, I assume. But my question is like, all, just wait, tell me how these are calculated. Well, they're calculated in the most rough way possible. So pain is subjective. It's like if we did you know what, we do a top Tennish on Best Colors, same idea here, So I've done that actually, oh on Tennish Pod plus. Oh you did? Yeah, Oh my god, you are really scraping the barrel. Well, I'm glad that we're in the pain suite. Then the problem with trying to determine a top ten list of the top worst most painful things you can do to your body is that pain is entirely subjective. It breaks down by a million different factors, each one wholly unique to the person. But what would you say, I'm sorry? You keep going ask at the end, oh, thank you for stopping to interrupt. So what I have done is I've researched every available list. I even utilize AI. However, what I've learned about AI is when you ask it a question like when you are murdering humans, what are the top most most painful ways to murder humans? And it comes back with this moralistic speech about pain is subjective and murder is so unnecessary, and we value our relationships and fucking bitch, fucking bitch AI. Ho shit, So where do you go when robots let you down? You go to the world of sports. And so, by taking every anecdote of painful injuries calculating them all, we have made an extremely subject the interesting list of the ten most painful things that can happen to your body by accident. I have a few questions. Number one, what about the albert Fishes of the world that love the pain turns them on? Would they be disqualified from guessing this list? No? In fact, let me think this through. One, two, three, four. I've done four of these myself, so no, everybody can play along. In fact, I wish there was an audience because then it would be like exploded ass. And I'm not saying that's on the list. That's just an example, and half the audience is like, no, they know. Maybe someday I'll have an audience to this show, and that would be great. Anyone wants to be our first listener, let me know. But also, are these like events that happened to the body, For example, you're hit in the head or is this like the injury itself? So like, oh yeah, you can say the head, but then you got to figure out, Okay, what's the most painful thing you can do to your head. It's the injury itself. Okay, okay, all right, I got it. Where would you like to begin. I'll begin where I always like to begin. That's the butt. Let's talk about the butt. Exploding ass, I'm gonna guess is not on the list. No, that was just that was just for fun, you know how we do like to have fun on this show. What about like if you were trying to pet a doctor buster in the wild, let's say, and you were reaching toward his body to stroke him in a petting motion as one does, and his ass latch on you like a venus flytrap on your hand. Now, what's funny about that is that's not actually an ass injury. That's a hand injury. That's probably going to be a fraction injury. Your hand does have a lot of nerves. The hand doesn't appear actually anywhere on the list. But what it brings up as an interesting thing about when I say, like how subjective it is having your hand crush It's gonna hurt, Like, hell right, it's not gonna appear on this list, But it's psychological, like when something psychologically painful or horrible happens to you, that can be as painful as a physical injury. Sure, that's a fact. So what I'm suggesting is this would actually jump somewhere into the list, I'm sure, because there's the psychological horror of seeing your hand disappear into an ass and the ass is just you know, it's making I'm kind of motions around your wrist and as it's being pulled in and everything's being shattered inch by inch as it's going in, it's like falling into a like quicksand right, your body just so disappears. Yeah, you could go into complete shock and have no idea, just be completely unaware, physically detached from anything that's happening to you. But just seeing what is happening to you in real time it creates a whole different level of additional painting. Well, it's interesting. I remember one time I don't remember where I heard this, but someone was like, you, you would rather burn to death than drown to death, because when you're like, if you're engulfed in flames, like your whole body's on fire, you are not really comprehending what's happening because you're in such a mode of panic. I don't know if it is true, but this is what I understand. But versus drowning, you're like aware of what's happening. You're aware that your life is slipping away from you with every second, So it's more like stressful to the psyche. So I get what you're saying. I've heard that argument too, and my response is always you first, professor, because I don't have any intention of doing either. I did actually cover that on my second episode. It was the only time I was happy to see someone that I spoke about die because he was a horrible, horrible human. He had directly led to the death of thirty thousand people, doctor buster, and he was His wife is still at the hotel. He's on his ship. Okay, pure, I'm out of here, and the volcano explodes and the pyroclastic flow washes over him at I was a six hundred miles an hour and it's about twelve hundred degrees. So he is actively engulfed in flames and has to then jump off his boat into the harbor. But the harbor wants all the pyroclastic flow flows over the harbor. The harbor is now boiling, like he's just waiting for you to put pasta in. So he puts himself out by jumping into boiling water and then drown. It became pasta. Yes, yes he did. But with the with the wetness of this is probably sound like an idiot, But the wetness of the water, no matter how hot it is, is still gonna put the fire out. I mean, I know this guy's still gonna die, but like I'm saying, the fire is extinguished right as soon as you jump in, No, don't, I'm okay, starts it's not even nearly the dumbest thing that I've heard on this show, So right there, put that away. But yes, he is going to be extinguished. And actually, this is the thing about fire, and I'm not sure how to address this, but do you consider fire an injury to the body? Because you've been dancing all over it for a bit now, I guess I wouldn't have, but the way you're asking me makes it sound like being on fire. A burn, third degree burn is is an injury on this list. Number you need to guess five. Five, No, that's a horrific guess though, I'm just warming up like a fire. Which is number seven? How many fingers do you have? Five? Ten? I want to shoot off most of them. You're going the wrong way, okay? Number two? God do you suck at this? Number one? Death by fire is said to be the most horrific and most likely the most painful way that a human can die. It's number one on the list, and you guessed it. You just didn't guess the position. I guess now that I'm thinking about it, it was obvious that it should be number one, because, like, what's worse than fire? Right? Not much? I think I'm on fire so far with this list because I correctly guess number one, even when I'm not trying to guest number one, I can't help but guess number one right. You were magnetically attracted to it. Let's hope that you're not magnetically attracted to fire. So the problem you're a weird sentence. The problem with fire to the body. The problem with fire to the body is that it's actually kind of interesting. It's going to destroy all your nerves. First, it goes through your Okay, if you were out in the sun and your skin burned, that's a first degree burn. A little radiation on the skin, no big deal. Gets a little, it gets a little red, and you can heal it quite quickly. Second degree burn starts to get into the tissue. Third degree burn gets down it like I mean down on in it and sears the nerves. It removes the hair. It just basically turns your skin into kind of a gives like a waxy, leathery kind of consistencies. And once all the nerves are dead, you're no longer in pain. So you can burn your whole body, but as long as you don't suffocate from smoke as long as you don't fear your lungs so that they no longer function. As I'm shaking them right now, he's gonna say Brad's breast as he says, look good. I could do an only fans keep that threat alive. Please do it, Please do it. Fire is just one of those things you want nothing to do with it. I mean, I've talked about it so many times on the show, just how insanely dangerous it is, just how incredibly awful the death can be. Most people in fires die from the smoke, you know, thankfully set in quotes for emphasis. But people who die from fire generally die from infection because they are just later you mean, right, They don't die there, They die later from infection. If they live, they can still die from infection. But most likely it's like if I came to Oklahoma by the fastest plane that I could. I don't want to do that, and I removed most of the layers of your skin over your body, you would be subject to every sneeze, every little dust particle, every germ on every surface, like anything could kill you wild. It's like being reduced to a pioneer or something. Yeah, I really need to keep my skin on. It sounds like I was planning on taking it off soon, but I should really leave it on. Take care of your skin, Nick, take care. I'm jumping a little bit, but to refresh my memory. The sourcing for this or where did you pull from that says that fire is the most painful car racing. Car racing is because it is sports. That is the sport where most people find themselves catching on fire. And there's something even scarier related to sports and flame injuries that I wish my friend Steve was here. He would know the answer to this. Whichever kind of fuel it is that they use methanol, and whichever kind of racing, which I think is Formula one, it burns clear. So if you look up methanol fire on YouTube, you're going to see people dancing and it's gonna look crazy, and they just they dance all around. But what nobody realizes is that they are fully engulfed in fire. See. I thought they were listening to Tchanish podcast and they're so excited that dancing. Yeah, get the spirit you're saying. They're actually on fire. Okay, fully on good on fire. And the thing is when your face catches on fire. Your face literally will melt, your nostrils will mouth shut, your mouth, can, your ears, all of it. And so if you're fully on fire and everyone's looking at you like, hey, he's doing that TikTok dance, but you can no longer communicate because you can't breathe, you can't take flaming methanol into your lungs. It's a weird thing, and it happens to people from time to time. And it's bizarre because someone comes up to say, hey, man, what's going on, and now they're on fire, and half the pit crew are now running around like crazy because there's this invisible fire. It's like the Floor's Lava Sports Edition. What's interesting to be about fire is fire was necessary for humans to get where we are, right yep. Without fire, humans would not be anywhere close to where we are. Fire is essential for cooking and staying warm and you know, fuel things like that. But it's also like the most dangerous and apparently the most painful thing around. So I also think of it as contagious. I mean, it grows and it eats, but I always just think of it as a little contagious. Yeah, because you pass it on person to person. Yeah, like if I light you on fire and then give you a hug or high five or whatever. Now what am I doing? Now? I gotta go run over to Buster and get him to try to put me out. Yeah, just throw the flaming part of your body into his ass and it'll suffocate any flame. It will deprive that fire oxygen. But also I like the idea that I'm on fire and you love me so much you can't help but hug me or give me high five, even though your eyes see that I'm on fire, that you're just so compelled. I understand. And your ears have melted so you can't hear me laughing and saying good bye. Allow, see you bye. And of course we want to give a shout out to everyone listening right now with melted ears. Yes. Oh, in fact, there's something else I should mention about this list now that we've actually taken Burning Alive off the list. Every single thing on this list I believe has happened to Jeremy Renner during his last accident. Oh yeah, so I'd like to dedicate to the dedicate this list to him. Listener in the show getting run over? Oh yeah, a vehicle getting run the hell over by that vehicle. Uh huh, Yeah, he's lucky to be alive. But is getting run over by a vehicle number two? Nope, because that's just the thing that happens. What would happen if you were a run over by a vehicle? So like a crushed body part? Sure, crushed bone. What do you think would be the most painful bone in your body? To break? The back or the neckpe I can come to your house and break your back, neck, can be home by dinner. Fever, God, that's really good, Nicholas is the fem that was really good. It's the femur, broken femur between the hip and the knee. And it's the thickest and the strongest bone because it contains all that weight, has to contain all your body weight, basically because it grew to be so thick and so strong relative to all the other bones in your body. We're talking about femurs, right, just yea, this bone is the Actually, what I should say is before I tell you why it's the most painful, all bones are covered in this stuff. It's uh, I had to write it down Paris steam. It's basically it's all it's all blood vessels and nerves, and it wraps around bones, and obviously that makes things painful. The femur, when it breaks, is the most painful, not just because when it snaps, it's now ripping through muscle, it's ripping through potentially skin, it's ripping past nerves, and they cause all just a wild circus of pain. The femur is the most painful because it's the strongest, so it takes the most effort to break, which is why it only usually gets broken in really bad sports accidents or car accidents, because it takes that kind of force to snap it, and that's why it hurts so much. Another dumb question, only the dumbest. Shoot. The bone itself has no nerves, and the bone itself, like, the pain comes from the things around the bone. Is that right? Yeah, even like the bullet. The bullet doesn't care, but man alive leaves a lot of memories behind it. It's way you know, you don't think about that. What number was this on the list? Oh, that's a great question. You did not guess. You've got two down broken femur. It's going to be number four. Well, your math is awful, but your guess was absolutely correct. It's number four. I knew it not bad. No, I have a My nephew broke his femur when he was five. To hear that this is the fourth most painful thing that can happen to a human and it happened to him when he was five makes me feel really sad. Do you ever get over? Yeah? But he had to wear a full body cast from his hips down. Was one big cast. It wasn't just like a cast on the leg only you know. I might have been because of his age. I can understand that. You're like, don't don't touch it, you know, and don't touch that, and don't touch the No one, let's just full body cast him. Just don't touch anything. That's a lovely eight weeks of just like peace and quiet. Can you imagine a five year old having to be still and not touch anything for eight weeks. Fuck? I would put them on a skateboard and just roll them into a closet somewhere. Yeah, I just put them in there and then close the closet. See in September. Yeah, I like this idea of parenting. Speaking of parenting, quick plug, Brad, you're a father, Yeah, it's true. You're also very very old man. I'm yes, yeah. Do you like a good dad joke? I love a good dad joke. Nin You're in luck, sir, because the newest tennis Pod Plus bonus episode is all about dad jokes. Me and my friend and recent sidekick coast Stephen Clark found the top twenty funniest or maybe the most cringe worthy dad jokes we could find, and we read them aloud to see who is the dad joke Champion. I wish I could have been in this audience. You can be in the audience, bride, and so can you listener because it's available exclusively for tennish Pod Plus members who have access to both of this and more than fifty other bonus episodes, as well as add free access to all episodes, including the one you're listening to right now. You can easily sign up at tennispod dot com, slash plus, or also in the Apple podcast app. You know the problem, I'm shutting off a bunch of stuff. I'm just clicking like crazy trying to make this happen right now, and I'm just screwing up my computer. Oh no, I'm gonna tell you one of those dad jokes. It says what do you call hey at a church? What Christian bale? That's fucking good? Right? I love that? Does it introduce itself that way? Sorry, I'm dissecting your dad jokes. Maybe I shouldn't be on that episode. No, please don't. All right, Instead, you should let me guess another thing. If you're done with a femur, are you done with femer? Yeah, let's leave the femare alone. Okay, how about childbirth? Not in it? That's not an injury, I guess right, Yeah, it is injurious, but it's not an injury per se. So what you're saying is women don't feel any pain when they give childbirth. And you're saying that childbirth is not painful. According to my homework, it doesn't count. Now, okay, So all the women out there listening, if you've had a baby, you don't count. Your pain does not count to Brad Cholma, just putting that out there. Good Lord, I appreciate your pain and suffering to bring new life into this universe. But if only there was some way I could make it up to them right now, if only there was some pain on our list that is described as being the equivalent of childbirth then perhaps no, women can't even experience this one even better, tearing your scrotum. Yes, where on this list do you think ruptured testicles comes in? Well, childbirth I would think would be way up there, and this is the equivalent of childbirth. So I'm gonna put it at three two. It's my biamera onto. Nope, you were right the first time. It's three three. You can't get a ten lists past me, Brett. Apparently not not anymore. You're doing all right? Yeah, so the ruptured testicle is right up there according to science, because they are made out of pretty much nothing but nerve endings and a whole bunch of jiz and semen all that stuff. Yeah, they're so blood. What I learned here is that you've got this outer skin called the tunica albuginia, oh baby, and if you apply just fifty pounds of force to it, it will make you close up shop, fall over, throw up all of it, abdominal pain, paralysis. May I ask, have you ever injured your own testicles, be it by accident or on purpose. I've had testicle injuries before, but never a ruptured testicle. And it's no picnic I'll say that. Have you no vasectomies yet. Have you had a vasectomy B If not, which I understand it is supposed to be sore, but that's certainly nothing up to child with ruptured testicles. It's not just the applied force like when I say fifty pounds of force. Yeah, if somebody kicks you or knees you, there's a reason they tell you to do that. That's going to have a lot of effect if you do it even harder. It's not just the how would you describe the the deflation reinflation of the testicles. The testicles don't have to reinflate reinflate so to speak. They can just crush like a grape and the skin will rip and force its innerds out. God, I'm having a hard time with this right from the pressure like popping a bag quite literally forcing it's inerds out, with all the with all those nerves going off like crazy, every single one of them, it could be bad. It could be life threatening. There are torsions and twists and things that can happen to the veins and whatnot that connect it to all of the necessary components that can actually be life threatening. Well, I think the most pain here is that you're breaking my ball here, Brad, that's why I came on. You busted my balls. I'm like squirming in my seat listening to all this. So I want to thank you for that. Man, A torsion and a you know, the twisting of the testicles. Nope, I don't want it. Well, you don't really need it either. You know, there's a funny thing there's I want to say that was number three, the pain associated with number two. I had a quote the only thing mark scruciating. This was from one sufferer, a very famous sufferer. The only thing mark scruciating is a stray testicle being wedged between the femur and the pelvis when the joint is pop back together. God, so it's like getting it would be like to walk over it. Yeah, Oh, Brad, you don't look so good. God, Damn, I think I'm gonna be sick. There's something so visceral I think most men can relate. Just hearing someone talk about testicle stuff is like really hard. Yeah. I'll tell you a very quick anecdote that I just shared with my son. We were talking about bear repellent and pepper sprays. A long time ago. Went to a coffee shop with a friend. I told him, yeah, I want to get some pepper spray. So he brought me an assortment of pepper sprays and he says, you know, this is this kind, and this is this kind, and this is this kind, and here's the police kind. Now. The thing about the police kind that you want to be careful about is as much smaller's shorter, and it doesn't have a safety on it, because they don't They need to be able to pull it out and activate it instantly, just like this. And I shot myself in the leg with the pepper spray, and we're in a coffee shop, and so I'm choking and he's choking, and then the table beside this this choking, and now everybody is coughing in this coffee shop, but nobody knows why they're coughing in this coffee shop. Fast forward hours later, it's a middle of night, dead asleep, and then I wake up like Dracula, just do the thing from the ankles where you just stand up straight with no effort. Because at some point I had scratched myself on the testicles. Even though I had washed my hands dozens of times, I still had the oil under one of my fingernails, just a little bit the skin. Don't even mind the testicles or anything. The skin alone is so sensitive that that was enough to wake me out of a dead sleep, just the burning sensation. What I'm hearing is that you couldn't keep your own hands off your own fucking testicles long enough to get through a single day. It's not like they're just they're either so big or they hang so weird that sometimes as you're moving your hands around, you can't help but graze them. Not what I'm hearing. But if that's what helps you sleep at night, that's fine. That's what I'm selling. Yeah, someone's gonna buy it. I'm gonna sell you another guess, please, Separated like a separated shoulder or something like that. Interesting up there, Maybe it would be, but it's not. But but you're really really close. You're actually super super close, and I'm porn rotator cuff no think bigger. So your shoulder joint. Think of it like a Gi Joe figure or a Barbie doll, where it's called a ball and joint kind of a thing, which means that if you just twist it the wrong way enough hard enough, it will and pop itself. At a joint. Where on your body do you have that same kind of thing going on, only bigger hip? Pointing at him, Ladies and gentlemen, you should see his face right now. He is so happy with himself. Hip dislocation, separation, and where do you think that that might end up on this particularly strange and personal list of the ten most painful things? Can't be number two, right, I too? Can it not? I'm gonna say no, I'm gonna say five or six. Yeah, you run away from number two, Just get away from that number two. Number two has got to be big. I mean, it's between ruptured testicle and death by fire. Which is why this list is so crazy. It's a good one. It is number two. No, it is said to the number two supposed to be more pain for making this up as you go, Well technically I am, but yeah. This is what people could agree on is that the hip has so many nerves and the ball, the ball joint for the hip sublux is kind of into your hip, and if you twist that hip forward or backward too too much with enough force, it'll pop it out, and like ninety percent of the time, it'll pop out backwards. Anytime your leg pops out and then angles backwards. Oh did I forget to mention that your leg won't point the right way? Yeah, so you just look at your hip and now your leg's doing weird things and you have no control over your leg. I was trying to figure out from people, can you still like you cannot put any weight on it? Because your leg is no longer attached to your body, you cannot put any weight on it. Your leg. It's just like this appendage hanging in a vag of skin. It's kind of well, that's what I wanted to figure out without actually doing it. Are you turning off your leg at that point? Or would you still be able to wiggle your toes? And the answer but I was just about to ask, right, and I knew you would, And the unanimous answer was you won't care. You absolutely won't care about wiggling your toes, the last thing on your to do list. You just won't care. It'll be so painful. You wouldn't even know how to wiggle your toes if someone asked you to. But it's like, once it's dislocated from your hip, what is this called? Is it? Hip? Just? Look? Hip dislocation? Some people call it. What's it called subluxation? Okay, we'll go with the first one. I think that's the name of a partial when it partially comes out, So I guess it would be like a full subluxation, if I'm saying that correctly. So if from understanding right, when the leg comes out, yeah, when it goes backwards, it points inward. And if your leg was pulled out and popped out forwards, your foot would now face away from you the other way. They can pop it back in. Well, yeah you can. But during that time, when you're all, what do I do? What do I do? Your leg will now actually be longer than the other one. It'll stretch the skin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right, So you're a mess, You're a screamy, weird mess, and you can't help yourself and you can't move. You can pop it in by yourself. I would highly recommend not doing it, but I would recommend getting it done quickly, because the longer it stays out, the more damage it does to nerves connective tissues. You can develop arthritis, after which you know, you don't really think anything about. Arthritis is ridiculously painful. So yeah, if you're a wood am I right, Yeah, but I mean we're what's the percentage of your audience, like, oh, I'd say at least good chunk. Yeah, Doomsday History It's most Dangerous Podcast. And by the way, like legitimately, if this sort of stuff is interesting to the audience, then you need to go listen to History's Most Dangerous Podcast because that's the show. Pretty much what we're doing. You kind of is it's interesting that the leg cannot be operable anymore when it's dislocated. But what'd you pop it back in? It's like it's relocated again, and now you can move it again just like you could before. Right, It's like weird, how now you're waiting for all your nerve bone disjoint. Now you're just waiting for all your nerves to calm down. And speaking of all those nerves, you're getting on my nerves, Brad, all of them. My next guest is you've mentioned the word tear, So I'm gonna say a torn muscle, like a torn biggest Muscle's what the quad? Torn? Quad? Nope? Torn anything, Yes, torn stuff, but not torn muscles torn to organs, So like a stomach tear or something like that long rupture. I'm Sorry, did someone say lung rupture? Ruptured? Long? What am I? That must be it? And that's this number five? No again with this order. Hey deep, it's tied for ten. Okay, is man alive? You danced all over? You were right there? Yes, collapsed long. This one's actually kind of a two parter. And this is something that once again, my friend Steve just did. Yeah, it's gonna say. He had heart surgery and so his ribs had to heal, and they're obviously a little bit weaker after they've healed, because they kind of knit themselves together and they healed weird. And he went out in a snowstorm, took a half gainer into a curb on its chest and broke a bunch of ribs. This is exactly what our good friend who was run over by the snowplow had done as well. So what happens is, and this is a weird thing. It's called a flail chest. When you break enough ribs, they just call it a flail chest, meaning that those ribs that used to really define the shape of your chest and protect your organs are now kind of floating free. They're flailing about. Is the best way to think about that and the flail chest is it's you can break a rib, but if you break a rib in more than one place, so it's not like just setting setting the bone together, it's now multiple floating parts. And do that to a bunch of your ribs. There's a strange thing that happens where when you're breathing in, that part is deflating, and when you're breathing out that part is inflating because the lung has been collapsed. And this is what happened to my friend was when he hit, he didn't realize that he had a pocket of air that had escaped his lung and had entered his chest, which could be dangerous but also apparently incredibly painful. When to the hospital, got them to run a tube, bring the air out. Watch it like all gurgle and foam out, he said, which is kind of nasty, but it is insanely painful. And the beauty of the pain is that it's the pain that never stops because we are so chronically addicted to breathing, and every single breath that you take reminds you that that is broken, that there's a hole in your lung, that there is maybe a rib sticking out of your lung, that your ribs are no longer attached to your chest. It's crazy stuff. You don't think. They don't. Sorry, but they don't fix the lung to where it's they do they do. They need to reinflate the lung. It's a whole thing. When you think about things happen to your body, you're like, oh, yeah, i'd splint that, or I turniquet this because of blood flow and done it out it up. But when it comes to the lungs, we're all so so stupid because we know so little about them, myself included. And so when a lung, when you get air escaping your lung and going into different parts of your body. On paper, it's like, oh weird. Okay, so you're gonna have little bubbles under your skin. No, apparently it's it's super bad. It's nothing that you want. How's Steve doing now? Not well? It took all he's been to healing for a long time. This man is crazy though. When he before he had his heart surgery, they opened them up. He had twenty doctors came to watch him because he's an actual mutant. When his arteries had become clogged. His body grew new veins and arteries around his heart to help keep supplying it even though the main artery was blocked, which is apparently something that the human body doesn't do. Can you call your friends, Steven see if he can replace you on the show, because he seems way more interesting than you. You know what, I totally understand, and I would give up my spot. I understand that I bow down, But at the same time, no, because he's going to be worse than me, as you'd be like, well, where the hell is he? I need him on here to give me some content. What the hell? And it's like, oh, sorry, my leg's on fire. Oh yeah, I just collapsed my other long er. Oh yeah, my other heart explained. I guess I can't trust him to stay healthy enough to finish the episode. That's true. Well, we're thinking of you, Steve. And during that section you mentioned another word that made me think of another guess. You mentioned the word tourniquet. Yes, is an amputation amputated body part on the list? No, but it was on some lists, So I'm gonna say it's going to be in the top twenty again. How do you qualify? What's more? Painful than another thing with an amputation. The funny thing about that is, after you've got the pain before the amputation, you have the potential pain of the amputation, and then you have the pain of if you didn't have pain in the amputation because you were medicated, you still have the pain of recovery. And then after you've recovered, you still have the phantom limb pain, that psychological pain that we don't really understand all that well, but I mean, it's it's very real. Your brain produces pain. If your your brain is so weird, hey fuck you. Well wait, let me go, let me try. If I said, Nick, your appearance becomes a little more insulting with with every every new appearance that I do on the show, like you seem like you've given up on life. Now, you would take that and you would say, oh my god, my hero just insulted me. And then if you took an aspirin or a talent all after, you would actually feel better. Because even though it's meant to shut off physical pain, like well reduce the signals of physical pain, emotional pain works the same way. You can actually reduce symptoms of emotional pain with over the counter pain relievers to this shit. Are you just making up? No, that's a true one us, that's true. I know that one's true. I'm gonna put you you know what I'm gonna come out. I'm not gonna such un afire or nothing. We're not doing anything weird. But I'm gonna tie you a chair with an ivy drip of aspirint and I'm just gonna, right, that's not weird, roast you for a while, and then just see if you're like, well, I'm really I'm really emotionally neutral about this. That's an interesting experiment. I wonder if they've done that. Maybe they have, but like probably that's good. And then you talk to Anna. Anna Keller, regular sidekick host of this show. She loves psychological experiments. If we should work together, the three of us, to do an experiment where we just tie someone down, Let's say anyone random, maybe doctor Buster. We time to a chair, would just make fun of him to his face and tell him what a big, fat ass he's got all the time, and then see if the aspir makes him feel better. What's his favorite thing? What would his favorite lure be like? To get him down here? Yeah, I'd like to put under a giant box on a chair. Tell him there's a we have a new Star Wars trailer. Okay, so we just put it an old ipid shuffle under a giant box. We trap him, just go to town on him. Oh, he'll blast his way out of there in seconds. It's funny that a broken femur is more painful than an amputated leg. Right, But again, like the broken femur could have been the precrists or to the amputation. Right, sure, so in that case I would consider that the more painful of the two. But you know, what do I know? Not much? How about a heart attack, cardiac arrest? Not an injury. I mean, it is an injury to the body, but it's not a sustained injury. Okay, let me go to the brain. Then you mentioned there's a brain, So what about just I mean, I'm trying to be more specific than just like brain trauma. We'll stay with the skull. Let's let's just work from the skull. Concussion. No crack, cracked head. The hell is cracked head. If I come over here and hit you with a giant one of those in head. Oh okay, how about something with the eye poked out eyeball. Actually, hey day with the head however, oddly enough, and I kept this in tied for number twelve or thirteen. With corneal abrasion, Okay, a scrape across the eye, like across across the tissue of the cornea can apparently be ridiculously painful. I mean, we've all had like an eyelash or something to fall in her eye and it's ridiculously annoying. I never have never but the idea of like running a blade across your eyeball. You're some kind of weird. Would you stop the realist film or something. Sorry, I'm playing with my eye doing this unconsciously talking about slicing your eyeball. That fucking blade springer in my eyeball. Christ almighty, oh boy, let's see. How can I guide you? You're still inside of the skull, teeth says teeth. Teeth are also ridiculously painful, but they belong on the most painful list, not injury list, because if you broke out a tooth, that's going to hurt. If you had nerve pain from your tooth or an abscess, that is a whole different level of pain. That starting to get up there potentially with childbirth, like way up the list. Is it on here? So it's on here? No, because it's not an injury. Oh right, So nothing with the teeth. Nothing with the teeth. You know, Nick is so upset with himself right now because he started to do so poorly at this guessing that he's actually just it's the funniest thing. He's been just running his hands through his hair over and over, just making these fists and some of his hairs actually pulling out. Nick, are you sofering from hair loss due to stress? Due to something? Yeah? What are you gonna do about it? Cancer? No, brain cancer, I don't fucking know what. Just tell me what's the head? Ripped scalp? Ripped scalp? You think I was gonna guess ripped scalps to cut head, cut skull. I was about to rip your scalp off. Let's take it so long. Ripped scalp meaning and don't look it up because it's not what you think. Rip scalp is kind of injury that happened and sometimes in sports, but mostly to people in industrial accidents and people go carting vehicle accidents, stuff like that, where the hair becomes trapped. But because it's like the better nails theory, Like I can pull a single hair out of my head, but if I try to pull all at the same time, the scalp, the skin is more likely to tear than it is that the hair will all remove itself. Just because of the way physics work, people have had their entire all Just the picture the entire portion. Take your finger and just run it around your head to the borders of where all your hair is, and picture all of that being ripped clean in a jerking motion like someone was starting a lawnmower with your hair. Fuck? Yeah, right? What number? Yeah? Okay, there you go. Where do you think we are tied for ten? Now? What do you think ten is a nine way tie? It's so lazy? Hey, no, you just love torturing me. Here seven? No, God damn it, Brad. Five five with five arcis and five congratulations, it's five. That's so much more painful than it needed to be. All right, Number five, ripped scalp? Number five? They do with a ripped scalp? Do they sew? You're attach it and it feels like you're on fire. When I was young, I got us you can't probably see it. A little scar on my forehead. I got a piece of wood under my skin. There was a nerve right here, just a nerve, just the smallest little thing in the world. And when we cut it in order to pull the wood out, it felt like the entire back of my head was being set on fire and all the hair was being ripped out at the same time. And that was from a blade touching one tiny little nerve. So imagine your whole freaking head and all those nerves coming off. You will feel pain coming from all over the place because the nerves can send signals to other parts of your body. It's a super unwelcome injury. You always gotta make it about you, don't you. I do. And it bleeds like crazy. Your skin on your heads actually kind of thick compared to most of your body, and that means a lot of blood. So when people have lost their heads, the people around them lose their heads, which makes them lose their head even more because people reacting poorly around you when you have an injury only scares you and makes it worse when they reattached the scalp, yeah stitches, and it's like a you know, if you cut off a finger as an example. There's all this fine work that they have, then don't just sell the thing back on. There's all this fine work of trying to reattach veins artist like, it's really really detailed work. And I imagine to reattach the scalp would be the same thing. The surgery would be god knows how long, and you need X number of specialists in there doing this really really fine work to try to save you. And I saw a woman who had her scalp removed and it tore like by her eye, she had a piece down by her nose was gone, like it just came off in patterns. It wasn't a clean tear. And yet they saved her. But she was saying, you know, and people are looking at me like I'm a horror show and I'm just trying to get help. But people can't barely even like even the doctors can barely look at me because I'm a skull. I'm a blood soaked skull with half a face. It's not nice to call her a horror show. I've walked right into that. That sounds fucking awful, and it's an injury. You don't really think about it. Never God, Noah ever ever ever ever ever. But if you out there are thinking about that injury, I don't know something's wrong. Actually, if you're thinking about that injury. Listened to my last episode, we talked about a particular kind of disaster we've never discussed before. I talked about a woman in Um. She was either in Denver or Detroit, and she got her shoe or her pant like caught or scarf caught in an escalator and she was bending over trying to free her clothes. Because that's how most people get injured by escalators. I get their clothes caught in her her hair became caught in the gears. Yeah, and was summarily removed because it takes a little while. Yeah, God fucking damn. Yeah. So, um, you just put that one on before you go to sleep tonight. It's all good. Thanks, Yeah, this is all a bit much, so thank you. I wonder if there's any dentists who would be willing to play my show in their waiting room. We'll workshop that, we'll see if we can get I don't really just want to sponsor a clinic, so instead of like elevator music in the lobby, it's just your show playing about people's scalps being ripped off. There's a lot of elevator music in my show. I could just literally program the elevator music with did you know that the meniscus is the most and just just quietly educate people while they're waiting at the dentist. They definitely needed about the miniscus. They're they're in the right mind frame. Well, how about something with the knee, like a knee injury? Al you are good? Yeah, eight and nine, very close, very very very very close. Knee is number one. Nine, you're very close. Eight. Yes, that wasn't so bad. The knee is okay. Remember when I said that I had experienced a few of these already, The knee is one of them. Dislocated knee is ridiculous. Of all the joints that you have in your body, the knee is the most uselessly designed. I've heard that it's like this little sort of triangle bone, and it sits between your femur and your tibia, and there's nerves everywhere, and then there's tendants that connect it and all this jelly stuff. But when it has a force apply to it, or any of those tenants become weaker, it will pop out and move around the leg and it can go to the back. And I've had this happen. I used to have this happen a lot. And it is immediately paralyzing because your leg is now stuck in the position it was when it happened, because you can't move it because you don't have a knee anymore. And the pain is instant. And the only thing that you do is scream and punch your leg until the knee pops back into place. That's how you fix it. But how do you how do you keep it fixed? How do you keep it from doing that? Well, what I did was I did a lot of leg exercises. I took a lot of glucosam, and I kept it wrapped until strength it was strengthened. I didn't get surgery for it now because it wasn't. I mean, I did almost go down my parents stairs at one point, just got to the top of the stairs. Knee popped out a joint. I'm just kind of standing on one leg punching my leg ball almost falling down the stairs. Oh good times. But you were able, like within a few seconds by punching you could get it back. The first time it happened, I was really young, and that took a little longer, but I kind of got good at it over time. So how much of this is true? And how much of this is you desperate for attention? A little bit of column a little bit of column B. Isn't that the way life works? We are podcasters, after all. That's crazy. If that happened to me, I think I might just die of anxiety and stress before. And that's the thing. So but when I said that the knee was very close to another one on the list, and you already did hip so knee ankle, you're going the right way. But it's not the ankle. No, it's the ankle. Oh well, you said, okay, ankle, just lokayd ankle. You know what, honestly, anything from sprained to tornay? What number do you think that is? Nine? It is? It's nine and you wouldn't think anything of it. You've ever sprained your ankle before, You're like, oh, that sucks. You roll over on your ankle and it really hurts when you roll over and you really hurt your ankle. You can't use your leg. The ankle is the thing. That holds all your body weight, and it can't do it by itself. It's got all these tendons that are basically giving it the weight or that are giving it the strength to be able to hold that weight. But when they tear, you know the if you right now just take your hand and run it down the back of your leg by your foot. You know that one really thick tendon going to down the back of your leg. That's your Achilles tendon. And a few years ago, my wife was just taking the dog out and the dog saw squirrel and the dog said roof and took off. But she didn't take off. Only half of her did. And she heard and went, what because that tendont as thick and tough and weird as that is snapped. And people say, it feels like you've been shot. And when you, I mean, I guess a gunshot isn't injurview to the body. But it's not that kind of way. You don't get shot that much in sports, not yet. Give America a few years Terry your acl do a pet cemetery on the back of your leg, and yeah, it is on. I just got the pet semetary thing. The reason that this one. The therapy hurts as much as the injury, like the physical therapy. Yeah, so you've got You've got all this time to spend just doing nothing but thinking about like man alive. I really really really really don't enjoy what I did to myself. But yeah, ankle, believe it or not, and an ankle and achilles and all the related tendants. The human body is really just so stupid and like poorly designed. Right, you are really really disposable. Yeah, we there's so much I could just wipe us out. Like, think about these big cats in the jungle that can like jump off like the top of a tree and land and be fine, and like their back compresses in such a way that they're fine. But like if we did that, we'd break like fucking every bone in our body. It's funny you say that, because big predator cats will often jump and try to grab you by the neck or the throat, try to shake you around and see if that maybe takes a little bit of fight out of you. Cut throat, torn throat, broken neck, Oh where might that be? Six? Nope? Seven, very close, Yes, seven, I knew it. Broken neck. Broken necks A weird one because when you think of breaking a neck, you think, oh, they die, that's what people do. You break the neck and they die. Then you know, the protagonist runs into the other room. Yeah, when you actually actually break your neck and it doesn't outright kill you, what can happen is you get this um spinal shock that sets in. So you've got seven vertebrae that basically define your neck between your skull and call it your back, your lower your upper back. When those go, the pain can kind of be shut off by this spinal shock below. You won't get those sensations. You'll just know that everything's wrong. And now you've got all this I can't feel my whatever right. And so that's that's scary as hell and the last thing that you want to be when you're in a life there any situation is afraid, right, afraid or panicking. You want to try to control that as much as possible. And that's why this one is so scary. Said than done, you catastrophize. It's absolutely easier said than done, which is why when I always tell people, when I advise people that the best way to get out of a situation is to try to remain as calm as possible because You can't panic your way out of it. You got to think your way out of it. I always apologize when I say it, because it's such an asinine thing to say, like, yeah, he's again easier said than done. Well, you've effectively ruined my day. Well, I was trying to ruin your neck. But take what I can get. Number six, the last on our list, the one that I thought you would have guessed first, the one that I thought that you might be the most familiar with, the one that has not passed your lips this entire time, The one that involves a separate set of lips somewhere on the body that is not a vagina. What the fuck? A separate set of lips on the body that is not a vagina? Yes the hell does that make the lips are there besides the vagina? Let's catch twenty two. I'll tell you listen as you answer the question. I have no idea where to go with the lips thing. I mean, the asshole? What? Okay? What wo doctor buster? As Brad's face lit up, what I said, asshole. Probably not the first time that's happened. Um, So I'm gonna say, oh, like a protruding or what do they call that a prolapse rectum. Yeah, that it's on the list, it's number six. I thought it would be your favorite, and I thought you'd say, that's got to be number one, my favorite. Listen to you. But you know what, you are a fucking weirdo because you your hint for this was the other lips under your body that is not a vagina, and by that you meant the rectum. Okay, you're ready. Yeah, your mouth is a rectum. It's an orifice, baby, and it connects to a tube, goes down your throat, through your stomach, connects to your stomach, and then you're intestine, you're larger intestines and you're lower intestines, and then out the coal in to the butt hole. The butt hole is also an orifice. They are two mouths at the opposite ends of the same tube. Thank you for illustrating with your hands during that. That really helps, not a problem, that's my pleasure. But yeah, your mouth is basically an anus and your anus is basically a mouth. But we give them different names because one flaps around more than the other and the other one's more puckered than the other most of the time. So the can't stop flapping like in your case. They also have different functions because you know you can feed in yours. You can put food in both, you can can put dentures in both, but nothing happens when you put it. Believe me, I've turned. Can use a toothbrush on both. Okay, you can shave around both where you win. You could put lip bomb on both. No toothaches though in one of them. So. Prolapsing is one of those injuries you never never never, never never never never think of. But it happens sometimes in football, very rarely when a person basically gets clauded from both sides, and way more likely to happen in weightlifting, which is why neither of us have ever done it to ourselves. But we're safe. When you are you ready, I'm gonna try to explain this whole thing. Just go ahead, put a bag right up to your face. I don't think I'm ready, but go ahead. So the problem where an entire length of your inner rectum becomes your outer rectum and hangs like a you know the flytraps that they put up, the sticky fly traps like that, but in your pants and in the back part between your buttocks like a tail, but like a really smelly tail, tail that attracts flies and dirt and dust or hair will stick to it. A tail, a tail, And it's not really the kind of thing that you'd even think would be that painful necessarily, Like when I when I heard a degree, I think that would be painful. I think that would be emotionally painful right away. It's like I have to push all that back up. I have to tell people I did this, Like, do I really need to phone someone about this? Is that something you do yourself? I'm surely you have to go get help for that, right I would one hundred anything. I would one hundred percent get some help with that. I don't care how. I would put on a face mask and just go in saying, Hi, I can't tell you who I am, but I need this some I need some attention. Face mask, wear a ski mask in there. Yeah, that's bad, That's really bad. I think the worst thing out of everything on the show is describing the hanging inner interrectum as a tail. You know what, that's the one time you cop in the shower and actually clean your clean your like really really clean yourrectum. I wouldn't use a lot, but you can so, Yeah, you might actually want a prolapsed wrecked him every once in a while so you can get a good cleaning in there and then shove it back in for the sick of hygiene. Yeah, people have done worse for hygiene in the past. People have done better. But you're saying it hurts quite a bit. It's the sixth most painful thing. So. Weightlifters who have done this described the pain as being paralyzing, which is common amongst the more pain Like the more painful injuries are that the sensation of it makes body movement useless. It's like the last thing on your mind where it's something Yeah, but like say whereas burning alive, that'd be the kind of thing that would make you very active, right, you are right singing and dancing out there and carrying on. But with a lot of these no, not so much. It's just kind of like ah, and you don't want to make it worse. And that's the thing with a lot of these injuries, especially once your bung has turned into a kind of a rollout sock, you don't want to make things worse. So most people do not want to move it's like a neck injury. Don't move them. You can't tell how bad it is until you start to move it, and then you find out how bad it is, and a Prolapseanus Nick Nicholas Amel. What I would say to you today is the next time? What's today? We're recording on a Thursday, So Thursday evening Friday morning, when this happens to you again, I would get someone that you trust to take a look at it. Be them a Patreon subscriber. I'm sure she wouldn't mind coming down. That's good. Making the trip out from Canada out, I would say it like a Canadian. But um yeah, next time my tail makes an appearance, we'll make sure she can come. Look, I had just one quick idea for a podcast. Now it's just gonna be me and you. It's gonna be a three minute podcast. We're gonna do it every weekend. I'm gonna teach you something about Canada. I don't want to know anything about Canada. I mean what if I said, and yeah, some of you speak French and some of you don't, and you have less cool shootings than we do. I mean, what else do I need to know? A ketchup on potato chips. Is that a thing? That's the thing. I'll send you a bag. I take it back. That's the worst thing you've said. That's worse than the tail is the ketchup on the potato chips. But at least you don't call them crisps like us over the pond there. Yeah, I know we don't fucking idiots, am I right? But you know what I'm gonna do for you. I'm gonna go out and buy a fly trap and I'm gonna crush up a bag of ketchup chips. I'm gonna dip the fly trap in hang it. I'm gonna take photos and I'm gonna send them to you. I'm gonna photoshop them on you. Okay, you send me a copy of that, like a dirty, dirty tail. I wouldn't mind seeing that. Speaking of my dirty tail tail us the list again. Go back through the top ten, all right, you right? Starting at ten. Starting with number ten, ten was kind of a tie between flailed chest slash collapsed lung. Number nine was somewhere in the combination of the ankle being torn or the achilles being severed. Number eight a dislocated, infinitely punchable knee. Number seven, the fantastamagical broken neck. It's the only one on the list where you just have you don't even know how bad you got it until you find out by accident. Number six, Nick's favorite prolapse rectum um. You got favorite. You will be able to find Nick's pro rectum shirts. I'm positive soon will be available in his merch shop tennispod dot com slash merch Number five. Actually I'm going to photoshop us with number five ripped scalp. Oh. Then we go down to number four, which hurts so so good, but just the broken femur because it takes so much effort. You know what they say, if it's worth doing, it's worth doing it really, really painfully. They don't say that. Number three Nick's favorite rupture testicles, rupture testicle. I do think I would rather have the prolapse rectum than the than the testicle rupture, for you might actually prefer number two, the dislocated hip, which when repaired, can catch the testicle then, because can you picture a Geijo figure or a Barbie doll where the leg has been removed because the leg popped out of that joint and you have to put that little ball soccer back in there. But picture if they had a testicle that was in the way of the hole, and now you push the leg in there, and now that testicle has to do whatever it's gonna do. I've lost all my listeners because they can't hear this ship anymore. Well, then they won't care that number one is turning alive actively on fire. God damn, this list. Fucking fucking Christ. You know I brought up Albert Fish at the very beginning. You know, the serial killer. You know what you're talking about. Yeah, I think prolapse direct him is for sure his favorite. For sure. That's a cause, yeah, or is an activity both? Yeah. Well, this has been a hell of a time. I've only thrown up six times, so I'll consider that a victory. But I did pretty well. I'd say, you know what you actually did really well. You got off to a really good start, and then your guessing went all over the place, and well, I thought you'd do better just figuring out what parts of the body would hurt the most. But yeah, I want to come back, and the next time I want I think I know you well enough. Now I want to bring a list of the ten things that Nick hates the most. Okay, give me one of those things, all right. Number six is prolapse daanis not really I'm fine with the prolapse daanis. I'm pro prolapse dains. My problem with the pro lapdanis is Brad's description of it makes it sounds so much worse than it is, and it's bad. So that tells you something. I don't have a great betsign manner for this kind of thing. It's why I don't actually do doctor work. No, that's one of hundreds of reasons. Yes, now, Nick plug my show, go go go. Okay, if you listener are a sick fuck and you enjoyed this last hour of suffering, then please go listen to Doomsday, History's most Dangerous podcast, where it's what do you call it? True crime podcast disguise the history podcast? Other way around? No, it's an egligent homicide podcast. It's basically that's a history stories. It's basically horror stories, history stories disguised as horror stories, or the other way around. It's basically, well you you fucking say it, it's right show, all right. So the idea of the show is that we all become safer together and live happier in this world after exploring forgotten and unusual disasters from throughout human history and around the world with fully theatrical recreations of all the horror. And now that's pretty much it. You know what I've actually started doing. I've started sending fans vomit bags. I write notes on barf bags, autograph them, and I mailed them out. Still waiting on mine though. But it's a great idea because it's a lot of content similar to today. But it is an extremely well done podcast, I will say, despite its host, and if you are interested in listening to it, you can find it on any podcast app and it's also going to be linked in the show notes of this episode. Yeah yeah, Bradley, what are you gonna do after this? After we hang up? What are you gonna go do? Clean your tale? Well? I was thinking that maybe i'd i'd at least, you know, maybe do a little exploration, just figure out if there's any like warning signs for any prolapsing of anything on me anywhere. Don't pepper spray your ball sack again. I'm working on not doing that. Yeah, all right, Well, this has been fun. If you have sustained any of these injuries. Please tell us what it was like. You can hit Brad up on Twitter at doomsday Pod, No Doomsday Podcast, Doomsday Podcast, and you can hit me up on Twitter and Instagram and TikTok and Reddit and Facebook and YouTube at tennis Pod on all those and also please don't forget to go check out that new tennis pod plus Botus episode about dad jokes. It's out now. I think I'm done with my plugs. Is there anything you want to say? What's a good goodbye message for our listeners today? Well? I always try to tell the mine, thanks for listening. Safety goggles off, don't die. That's as good as sign off as we can do. Thanks for listening. Everyone else, see you next week. Was the kids necessary