Doomsday 2024 Update and Patreon Sneak Peek

Have you ever thought, man, I wish there was some way I could push some of the stuff I learned in high school out of my head to make room to fill with even more tails and tidbits from this show. Well there is, and it's not like that time that you took up wine appreciation and forgot how to drive. Twenty twenty three was a hell of a year for the show. We grew our audience, our ratings, and our reviews grew. But more importantly, we took a rocket to the face. We climbed the Empire State Building. We fell down one of the world's longest escalators. We went to prison until it burned down. We went camping until it burned down. We drove off a bridge. We fell through the roof of a factory while illegally watching a football game. But at least history's largest furnace was there to break our fall. We served on top waste. We blew up sewers and roller coasters and airplanes and one hell of a cannon. We finally visited the Middle East, which wasn't as much fun as we had hoped. We sank a boat, and we nearly choked to death on Paullin of all things, and we even experienced an interactive tetrology of terror in four D, which was a first in podcasting history, not to mention all the mail bagging and the minisoding. Yep, we lived a full and horrifying life together this last year. And I sometimes get messages saying things like, Hey, can you thank your researcher or can you high five the editor? Well, here is the secret of the show. The researcher, writer, host, producer, sound guy, editor, Dolby guy, and the guy answering all the dms and emails. It's all just me. I always speak about the show using terms like us and we, but I am not referring to some internal team. I'm talking about you and I, the list and the host. You are my we. You always have been since twenty twenty twenty twenty. If you've been a longtime listener, it's no secret that my life has been spiraling downwards since twenty twenty, and twenty twenty three was the worst year yet. I am literally fairly close to moving my family into a Dodge Caravan because things have been pretty tough. The sky over the secret Doomsday undersea aquatic volcano base has been getting pretty grim. So I am making a Hail Mary pass at you, my audience. Rather than giving up the show altogether, I doubled down by making Doomsday episodes even longer, like twenty percent, longer, filled with more insight and tangentle life saving stupidity than ever. But I'm afraid I have to do it for the tips. Episodes are free wherever podcasts are found, but extra content episodes are made exclusively for my Patreon. I dance. They're a tight little group, and I let them know that they're worth every minute. Now. If I could double, then double, then quintuple the number of supporters I have, now, all of my practical worries would be gone. I could breathe again. I can't do this without you, so I want to entice all of you with this quick medley of extra content that you missed on the regular feed over the last few months. In fact, to accelerate that quickly, in my opinion, would push all of your organs into your lap and upper thighs and then rip those legs right off your torso I picture your cricket legs would rip from your body and then fly away like the booster rockets after the space shuttle Challenger disaster. Most food brought on board quickly wormed up with maggots or rot or mold, which left picky eaters facing weakness, fatigue, and the gradual shutting down of their immune system. Hey, do you have any idea how many maggots or worms it would take to press into a nice porter house steak? Well, I did the math, so the average weight of a maggot A long story short back. In two thousand and nine, he found himself entangled with a sex worker in a Miami hotel room, and at some point he tried to kiss her, and she wasn't having it. She pit down in his tongue and would only let go after he produced a flurry of punches that eventually broke her grip, and then he wandered off to the hotel lobby, pouring blood everywhere. Both of them were treated, but as she fell, a powerful gust of wind caught her just right and lifted her back onto the building. And I don't mean that she was gently Merry Poppins from the sky right back onto the observation deck. It was more like she leaped into a wind strong enough to look like she was taking a leaf flower to the face and she was thrown onto the side of the eighty fifth floor with enough force to break her head. A building worker found her and rescue her from a tiny two foot ledge. In the close quarters of a ship, there was nowhere to avoid diseases like dysentery, cholera, typhoid fever, smallpox, measles, and influenza. The quarters are just too close. And if you're like me, you probably always thought that the notion of burial at sea seemed weird. But when you really think about it, it was a hell of a lot better than sailing with diseased and putrefying corpses. Sounds depressing, and it was. It was awful and sad. West which was where to start. I mean, everyone's heard of Scottish haggis, minced heart liver and sheep lungs mixed with oatmeal and suet and then sewn into a sheep's stomach lining. I mean, it sounds terrible, but let's just keep walking. We'll go to South Korea. If you have not heard of from one side to the other, as you were dragged underwater, A you couldn't breathe, and B you'd have trouble holding onto wet breath you still had while screaming uncontrollably as your skin was gouged and chewed as you scraped along the hult. Obviously, these punishments, Oh that's ah. That was awful and wonderful. And if you think that getting episodes a little early, with no sponsor interruptions and with additional ridiculously interesting material in each new episode is worth it, you can find out more at patreon dot com slash funeral Kazoo. If you are rich but have commitment issues and just wanted to make a one time donation, you could always buy me a coffee at buy Me a Coffee dot com slash Doomsday. You have to understand I've heard from listeners who have said that this show has saved their life, and doing the show has likely saved my own. I want you to know that I will never stop making the show available for free in its regular format because I understand the mental anguish that financing puts on people, and I never want to stigmatize anyone for that. Believe me, I get it. That said, I am looking forward to teaching and sickening each and every one of you in the new year with all new episodes and all kinds of crazy new history and horror coming your way. It's my promise to you, and I will continue as long as I can. If you want to help the show without reaching for that wallet, just tell a friend or twelve, and then tell each of them to tell twelve of their friends. If enough people tell enough people, eventually someone's rich uncle is gonna hear and invest in the show more seriously, to be clear, I am willing to be purchased if it means continuing to feed my family. Another thing you can do is just post reviews of the show on Apple or Podchaser, Spotify or just your listening platform of choice that actually helps others find their way to the show through ratings and at the bottom of the scale. And I mean this in all sincerity. Your thoughts and prayers for a better new year that works too. And until we talk again, thank you for letting me do this for you. And keep your messages and show ideas and personal stories coming in. I love them. Your messages make us feel more like we and I'm sorry I'm so slow to respond. I'm not rude, I'm just a little broken inside. Now with all that said, we'll talk soon. Safety goggles off, and thanks for listening.